i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All the doctor said was why
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
