Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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