You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
