when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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