she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
