Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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