I want to make a zoo with you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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