All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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