dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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