wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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