The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
