At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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