Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
