Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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