you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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