Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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