Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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