I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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