It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
