did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
