His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
