I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
