I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize