when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
