I think I died a long time ago.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize