$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
