just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
