I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
