we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
