I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
