the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
