Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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