i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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