remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
