i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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