Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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