Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
