I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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