Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
