it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
