and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just invented taco cereal.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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