Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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