i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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