Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
