Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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