I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
