i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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