I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize