I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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