I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
