The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
