therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
