i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
