my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
