Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
