I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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