Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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