He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
