sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
