We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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