I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
