If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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