My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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