After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
