How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
