That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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