Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
