Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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