i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we made out on top of his cat.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
