well I can't set my house on fire every night
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and she was petting her beer can
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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