and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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