Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
